Ladies and gentlemen, if you’re reading this it’s because June 1, 2012 at midnight plus ten minutes has come and gone.

Anytime I publish a blog, I schedule it to publish at ten minutes after midnight.

Why?

It just seems like the thing to do, and that’s my style.

Just so we’re clear and on the same page, I composed today’s dispatch last Sunday (05/27).  That makes it truly a letter from the past.  It’s rare that I write a blog that far out without having the days between now and then good to go and ready to rock from there, but I’m mixing things up a bit.

Side note:  I heard the phrase “rock from there” in Cubeville the other day and it sounded awkward.  I just wanted to see if it would have the same effect here in the blogosphere.

After I’m finished writing this, I’ll write Monday’s blog which asserts that William Hung is a lip syncing fraud.

Why?

Because it just seems like the thing to do.

June of 2012 (the last one according to the Mayans) holds a lot in store in my world.  On a national level, the highly anticipated ruling on Obamacare will be handed down by the USSC.  Let’s hope they get it right.  We know Congress can’t and won’t.

Junior graduates from high school.  Shortly thereafter, he will begin setting up a branch of the organization about 6 hours (15 if you take I-35) north of here and subsequently embark on his journey into adulthood.

Juniorette will go to a voice camp so that she may continue to be exempt from claims by a certain blogger that she’s lip syncing.  She and I are also mulling over seeing Van Halen later in the month.

By the 5th of the month, the truck and the Jeep will need to be sporting updated inspection stickers.  The truck is also due for a registration update.

As I said, there’s a lot in store.

And it all starts on June 1st.

Holy cow!  I need to renew my driver’s license today too.

My dear reader, your favorite blogger on the entire web will turn 42+2 on that day.  My only proof of this is what my parents told me, and the date on a “copy” of a birth certificate which looks like it’s been altered by Photoshop.  Is the official seal of the county of Ector here in Texas really a flatulent penguin wearing a hat made of yarn and recycled beer cans?  I think not.

Another side note:  Seriously now, people.  Who ever came up with the savant like epiphany to create a hybrid of aluminum and yarn and call it headwear?

I don’t like to celebrate my birthday.

There, I said it.

Again.

For about the millionth time.

I would have to say that said practice lost it’s palatability when a certain nameless doosh bag exercised sibling rivalry on me many years ago by orchestrating a public spectacle of the event in the middle of a Bennigans by getting the wait staff to sing their birthday chant at me.  I tried to do it to him a year later at a Pancho’s Mexican Buffet, but things went horribly awry resulting in flan and candles everywhere.

Regardless, things are a little different this year.

Mom and Dad have been divorced since the mid 80’s and my brother lives outside of Dallas.  The last time that I can remember all four of us were in the same room was probably 1995.

Did I mention that Junior graduates this year?  The ceremony is tomorrow (06/02), and my side of the family has decided to come into town for the event.  Every single one of them.

Short of Juniorette’s graduation in a few years, this could be one of the last times the “family unit” I started out with could be together.

By the way, Bennigans no longer has digs here in San Antonio (or even on Earth, I think).  As such, there will be no shenanigans at Bennigans this time.

Wifey is planning something too.

Recall a few weeks ago when I rambled on in some self aggrandizing dispatch about how I like to gravitate to scenarios where I can use my beloved problem solving skills.  As I learned many years ago in one of those psychotic calculus classes, the key is to document everything you know about an issue, and work each part of it to solve the problem.

So take a look at the clues I have and tell me if I’m on the right track:

• On several occasions in the last year, I’ve talked about taking the logo from the top of this site and having it screen printed  or embroidered onto various attire.  Baseball caps and dark solid shirts primarily, but I’m also considering having the logo put on an outer cover for my laptop too.  I’ve also mentioned that I would like to exercise my 2nd Amendment rights more in the coming years, as well as look to grab a Mustang before Ford redesigns them again.  Aggrandizement and solipsism reign supreme.
• About a month ago, Wifey announced she had an idea for my birthday and whispered it to the kids.  The kids have kept their collective traps shut.  Good for them.
• I track the bulk of our finances using a couple of apps on the ole iPhone.  Last week, Wifey told me that when I see a certain charge coming out of the account to just let it go.  Suffice to say, there was a charge from Kohl’s.  “Well what do I categorize it as?”  I asked.  She responded with one word.  “Clothing.”  Well I hope it fits and I hope it’s a dark solid.
• A few days later, Wifey told me my gift would be ready within a week.  Well then.  I thought she bought it at Kohl’s.  There’s typically no assembly required with the clothing one can buy there.  *crossing fingers for dark solids*
• Just out of the blue yesterday, Wifey mentioned an embroidery and screen print shop we had used before.  The mention was in relation to another project we have going on, and  completely unrelated to my birthday.  For sake of the discussion here, I’ll refer to the shop as “Smith’s”.  With my suspicions on her plans already in place, I asked her:  “Do you have anything at Smith’s right now?”  There was a pause and no eye contact.  (In the business, we call that a “tell”)  Without giving an answer, she responded:  “Why do you ask?”  I just walked away and told her that I had no specific reason.  I would bet anything that the minute I got out of earshot, Wifey grilled Juniorette with something like : “Does he know?  Who told him?”

Given the evidence at hand, I think it’s pretty obvious what the day has in store.

Happy Birthday to me!