Good Lord in Butter people.

Look what I just did.

It’s already the second day of the year and I’ve yet to post my TharpSterLutions for the for upcoming year.

For regular *ahem* readers of what can be characterized as the most important and insightful site on the whole darned internet, it goes without saying that I’ve been pretty good about getting things posted by the New Year’s Day for several years now.

Sadly, my writing ambitions have gone by the wayside in recent years in favor of streaming video services.

Shocking, I know.

None the less, I feel it’s only fitting that I put a set out there for 2016, even though at this very point that I’m writing this, I have no Earthly idea of what they will be.  That’s right ladies and gentlemen.  I’m sitting here with baited breath in panty soaked anticipation of what lofty goals I will strive to achieve in 2016.

But first, let’s talk about what I did this year that was out of the ordinary.  By ordinary, I refer to perpetual lamentations about not getting the garage clean, bitching about daylight savings time, trashing professional *ahem* football teams based in Dallas, chronicling my diet and exercise regimen, and specifically avoiding references to any self-indulgent hobbies that I may or may not have.

Looking back, I did the following in 2015:

1. I visited New York City again.  This time, I took the wife.
2. My youngest graduated high school and left for college.
3. I saw Tesla for the second time in 28 years.
4. I saw Styx for the second time in 32 years.
5. I saw Def Leppard for the eighth time in 32 years.
6. I attended a 3 band concert at an outdoor arena in Austin for the 2nd time in as many years.  See numbers 3, 4, and 5 for hints on this year’s acts.
7. I witnessed the death of States’ Rights, and Separation of Powers.
8. I got my teeth cleaned.  Twice.
9. I visited no less than five different Buc-ee’s throughout the year, littered throughout the great state of Texas.
10. I started grilling pizzas.  
11. Much like I did in 1977, I sat in a theater in late December with a box of Hot Tamales in hand, and watched Star Wars come to life on the big screen.
12. I started buying britches in a smaller waist size.
13. I started wearing a lime green lymphoma awareness bracelet.
14. I considered wearing a similar bracelet for dying ovens, but I haven’t found the right color that resembles that particular plight.
15. I saw a million faces and rocked them all……..

Maybe.

Naturally I could go into extended detail about some of those events, but I won’t for two reasons.

1. I should have written about them when they took place, and I didn’t.  I was probably too preoccupied with other things like Netflix.
2. Presumably, a picture says a 1000 words.  I’d like to think I’ve posted enough throughout this entry to tell you everything you need to know.

So before we get onto the big reveal of my endeavors for 2016, let’s see if I got-r-done with my 2015 goals.  Here’s what I set out to do for last year:

1. Finish writing The Dragon, The Diamond, & The Muse.  Publish it.
2. Finish what’s been started with the weight loss goal.
3. Lobby Disney to produce at least one film taking place in a Star Wars universe where the resident Sith Lord wears woodland camouflage all of the time.
4. Write a Yelp entry for Milliway’s.
5. Discontinue the obtainable TharpSterLutions in favor of loftier goals.

So let’s get right down to the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band of it all:

1. Didn’t finish it.  Came up with a better title and had most of it saved on an external hard drive that crashed in August while I was trying to attach my new laptop to it.  The story is still in the cavernous space between my ears, so I need to rewrite it.
2. Damn it.  That’s been an ongoing struggle with negative movement for the last six months.
3. That didn’t work out as well, however I did procure a couple of pairs of boxer briefs which sport a camouflage pattern.  I did that so that no one can see my underwear.
4. I wrote a Yelp entry for a Day’s Inn in East Texas.  I’m still waiting for Siri to give me directions to Milliway’s.
5. Uuuuummmm, yeah.

On close inspection, it doesn’t appear I was very goal oriented this last year.  All things being equal, there were some goals I set and achieved.  They just aren’t suited for posting here.

So let’s talk about what I’m going to do this coming year.  Since simply obtained goals are the paving stones for mediocrity, let’s beef it up a little bit.  Please note that the use of profanity and any of the goals I’m about to type up (of which I still don’t know what they are), does not intensify or diminish their importance to me.  If I post on the internet, they’re important to me.

1. Lose the effin’ weight.  Thirty pounds minimum.
2. Finish and publish the damn dragon story.
3. Help TharpSter Jr. transition to life outside of school as he leaves college.
4. Start writing more.  52 blogs this year, minimum.
5. You can never see Def Leppard live too many times.  Go see them next month when the circus comes to town.

That being said, I’ll leave you with some thoughts I haven’t done before.  I’m going put my cynical optimist to work and tell you how I will do with these goals this year.

1. This will be the hardest task to complete.  I’ve been in a dead stall since May, and have even gained back some of the weight I lost in 2014.  Unlocking the Rubik’s Cube that is the secret to my weight loss is going to be the trick.
2. For now, I’ve watched as much as I’m going to watch on Netflix.  Sitting down and re-writing that story will wreak havoc on my attention deficit.
3. It’s more on him than it is on me.  I just need to help him plan it out.
4. The attention deficit thing applies here too.
5. Dude.  It’s Def Leppard.  ‘Nuff said.

That tickle in my nose and beckoning call from my beloved wife tells me that the Chicken & Dumplings are ready.  There’s only one thing to be said at this point, especially about my beloved wife’s Chicken & Dumplings assembled on her new stove.

Go big or go home.