These new watches are great.

You know the ones.  They’re the cool ones which have a stop watch and alarm built into them.

Certainly, they’ve been around for awhile and the “new” has presumably worn off of them, but they’re still kewl.

Many years ago I had one with eight different alarms.  There was a different alarm for each day of the week, and then another one that played “Happy Birthday” for you no less than one time a year.  Sadly, it was liberated from my padlocked locker at swim team practice one night.  To the doosh bag who participated on the Kelly Walsh High School team in Casper, Wyoming circa 1982, I haven’t forgotten that you made a specific effort to bust my lock and take my watch that night you flaccid green weenie *.

Speaking of missing watches, I’ve got another one.

Kinda.

Technically speaking, I don’t know which one it is because all of the watches I’ve worn on a regular basis in the last ten years are present and accounted for.

What I do know is that it seems to have a healthy and persistent battery life.  It also keeps pretty good time too.

Perhaps the most notable feature about the watch is that it has an alarm.  Granted it’s not the same type of alarm set up that some flaccid green weenie* obtained from a locker about 30 years ago.  Instead, it just makes the generic “beep beep” sound for 20 or 30 seconds every morning at 6:00 am.  Of course, that time changes whenever we participate in the heathen ritual of spring forward or fall back.  Other than the periodic time changes, it keeps pretty good time based on the alarm alone.

Oh, there’s one more thing.

I don’t know where the damn thing is.  It’s somewhere in our room in a dresser or something.  Sadly, it doesn’t beep long enough for me to follow the noise so that I can locate it and deactivate with the utmost of attention and care with my favorite hammer.  I’m guessing the really unique feature is that it’s equipped with a really good cloaking device.

Welcome to my world.

*Uummmm, for those of you not familiar with high schools in Casper, Wyoming, the mascot for Kelly Walsh HS is the trojans, and their colors are green and yellow.  Although the term “green weenie” is meant derogatorily, the term is probably taken by it’s alumni and current student body as an affectionate term of endearment.  Make no mistake that I’m going the derogatory route here.