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Suffice to say (seems like I’m saying that a lot more with these daily dispatches), today’s blog isn’t going to talk about the benefits of teamwork. The reasoning behind the title will become self evident later on if I do this right.
Let me tell you how I feel right now.
I’ve got a headache.
I’m a little dizzy.
The stuff I’m looking at appears to be caught up in some sort of temporal space distortion swirling around a drain.
My perception is generally off and I’ve spent a better part of the afternoon tilting my head vertically. There ain’t no horizontal movement here folks. That tends to enhance the distortion.
Suffice to say, I think I’ve managed to prove today that one doesn’t need hallucinogenic pharmaceuticals created by the evil drug companies in order to alter perception.
Nope.
All you really need is a good case of hyperopia and a pair of bifocals. The lazy eye is the frosting on the top.
Care to guess how much more OCD I’ve become with the angle of the monitor on Mr. Laptop here in trying to find the optimum position which is conducive to the lines I type being at a 180 degree angle?
Good Lord in butter, I’m going to have to spend a couple of days wearing these things just to get used to them. Hopefully my gray matter and eyeballs will learn to work together to acclimate to this bifocal torture device.
Speaking of “Good Lord in butter”, I hit the movie theater at 10:30 am on Star Wars day to see The Avengers.
For those of you without a streak of geek, May 4th is Star Wars day. May the fourth be with you.
The film (back to The Avengers) centered around a character portrayed by the lovely and talented Scarlett Johansson in skin tight attire and loaded for bear (or bare) and her five or six boyfriends who feel compelled to wear super hero suits and generally fly around shooting stuff or beat the crap out of it.
Generally speaking, the lovely and talented Scarlett Johansson in skin tight attire and loaded for bear (or bare) was more appealing in Iron Man 2, however I had no problem paying attention to her in The Avengers. Two of the supporting reasons I maintained that ability were that I saw the movie before I picked up my bifocals, and I stayed the hell away from the 3D version of the film.
Ladies and gentlemen, we’re in the 21st century aren’t we? Why on God’s green Earth have the pioneers of digital technology not come up with a way to watch a 3D movie without putting on those stupid glasses that pinch your nose, bite your ears, and give you a general feeling that you’re wearing bifocals?
Pauses to lament the lack of flying cars and better 3D movie experiences in the 21st century.
Okay where was I?
Oh, that’s right.
The lovely and talented Scarlett Johansson in skin tight attire and loaded for bear (or bare).
To be honest, I was just a little hesitant about whether the movie would be good or not. I blame Junior and one of the trailers.
Without going into a whole lot of details, Junior saw the movie last week and had announced he didn’t like it. “Good Lord in butter boy, why do you say that?” I felt my response was appropriate.
Junior then listed a litany of plot incidents which didn’t hold up to general scrutiny. “Ok, so it didn’t live up to something like Iron Man. Was it as bad as Thor?” I begged and hoped it wasn’t.
“No, not so much. I just didn’t like it.”
Junior and I tend to have the same taste in film. This didn’t set well with me at all.
The other potential issue I had was in one of the trailers I had seen which focused on the need for The Avengers to work as a team to beat the bad guys. On a side note, who names a bad guy Loki? This gave me the sense the movie was going to be a two and a half hour public service announcement sponsored by the Ad Council on the importance of teamwork. Teamwork is good, however Hollywood gave us the perfect example for that with Apollo 13. This is a movie about comic book heroes gosh darn it. I didn’t shell out a wad of cash to go watch a PSA.
So I sat there and I watched it.
All two hours and twenty two minutes of it.
As I sat there and watched it. I enjoyed it. Sure the teamwork element was all over the film, but even still, I enjoyed the film. I sent a text to Junior at one point calling him nuts.
There was something else that stirred deep within me as I sat there watching the film and enjoying it. I can only describe it as a growing feeling of pressure and warmth. I felt like I couldn’t sit still at all. I felt like I had to drum my legs. The feeling grew and wouldn’t go away.
After sitting through the first round of credits in order to see a teaser for the potential sequel, I knew what my problem was.
I had to pee.
Bad.
When you’re sitting in a movie that you’ve been waiting for since you saw the first trailer just before Super Sunday, you don’t dare walk out of it in the middle of the film to go relieve yourself. That’s heresy.
Upon relieving myself and leaving the theater, I stopped at Subway for a sandwich to bring home to eat. That was good too.
For those of you wondering about the drivers license I mentioned yesterday, I didn’t go get it. I still have about 26 days left on that bad boy, and will most likely wait until the last minute to take care of it. I would imagine I’ll probably see the movie again in that time frame, sans beverage, 3D glasses, or my bifocals.
