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Well ladies and gentlemen, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.
There comes a time in all of our lives when we just gotta ask ourselves: “Why do you want to keep a moldy Spice Girl?”
That particular nugget of clarity appeared on an episode of Hoarders, and I deliberately chose not to resist incorporating it into yet another dispatch of verbal brilliance to an otherwise dull internet.
I made the tragic mistake of reading the feed on my Facebook while seated in my social media chamber this morning.
That was generally a dumbass move because I became immediately irritated with the utter lack of intellectual honesty which littered the status updates of the fellow monetized data units which occupy space on my friends list.
Gone are the days where I had to fend off invitations from other monetized data units to play some stupid game involving gambling addictions, farming, word choice, or malcontented members of the avian type.
I haven’t seen pictures of a nasty looking meatloaf on there in months.
Missing in action are those virtue signaling posts which demand that you copy/paste a wall of text on your own wall to signify your agreement that the possession of persistent prickling perinea is a bad thing.
Alliteration almost always annoys.
Aaaaaaand there you go.
As I composed it, I got bored with this post where I was going to rant about the Tower of Babel that is social networking and follow up with a commitment to remove the app from my phone.
But then I realized to grant any real time to ranting about it would be time better spent on trying to figure out why I want to keep a moldy Spice Girl.
And then, the subject changed.
While traipsing through my garage yesterday, cutting up boxes for the recycle bin, rolling up and consolidating the storage of a bunch of unused underlayment, and debating the legacy and eventual outcome of my cassette tape collection, it occurred to me that the Hate America First crowd has really gathered momentum in recent years.
At the same time, I was testing out my new battery powered brad nailer.
I’ve got to think that if I were to ever open up some sort of handyman (handyxe) service, I would incorporate the name Brad Nailer into the title, much in the same way I’ll change my name to Molar when I pursue a career in the dental arts.
Of course it goes without saying that there are a couple of boards out in the garage right now that were unattached all the way up until yesterday afternoon.
What in tarnation is with all of this hatin’ on ‘Merica?
Yeah I’m pretty sure I know the answer to that lies in the fact that the most hated man in the country right now based the goals of his administration on putting America first.
Even still, the hatred was growing prior to 2016 and since then has managed to magnify through a Trump sized lens.
I’m not really interested in changing the minds of those who hold those views. Instead, I would suggest that what we really need to do is to target the more malleable among us and fight back the hate before it even begins.
That’s right y’all.
I want to brainwash our kids.
For the record, we all brainwash our kids in order to make them successful adults which are capable of wiping their own asses.
I just want to change the detergent to something that keeps the skid marks out.
The first thing to do is to ban teachers unions from the arena of public education. If our taxes are going to pay the price for smartin’ up our kids, it shouldn’t be at the mercy of unions like these which are bent on incorporating their un-American mindset into future generations.
Nothing new so far, but I’m just about to break out the Ugly Stick.
The magic number for the next step is 22.
If you are an active duty service member or honorably discharged veteran, you can do the following at age 18:
- Vote
- Enroll in an institution of higher learning.
Otherwise, the age for both of those events should be changed to 22.
At this point, you’re wondering why.
Contrary to popular belief among most of our 18 year old population, they don’t know anything useful. For them, voting is just a popularity contest. They don’t know what they’re really voting for.
Give them some more time to learn a thing or two while they mature before they start voting with the reckless abandon that takes place today.
As far as the delayed enrollment into college, that ties into the big doozy which you may have already seen coming.
Ladies and gentlemen, I think we should put some serious consideration into reinstituting a draft here in this great country of ours.
Why in tarnation would we do that when we have the greatest volunteer military in the world? Peace is breaking out in the middle east and wars involving boots on the ground are becoming things of the past.
I think the answer is as simple as getting rid of a moldy Spice Girl doll.
As kids transition from adolescence to adulthood, they’re doing so via institutions that are littered with bad ideologies which don’t foster a love of country. We need to change the institution. If we can redirect the final stages of their development by compelling them to serve their country before patronizing the Educational Industrial Complex, some of the biggest issues we experience today could be gone tomorrow.
The preceding has been brought to you by Brad Nailer Enterprises, your connectivity specialists. Next time you need to nail something, think of Brad Nailer.
Because at Brad Nailer Enterprises, we love America, and we love nailin’ stuff.
