Okay people, it’s time to pivot on all of this COVID-19 talk.

For what it’s worth, this morning’s post started out a little bit differenter than the verbal brilliance which matriculated to the very page you’re reading now.

It basically involved a certain word I used earlier, and its presence within the punch line of a funny joke that can be heard in any testosterone-laden locker room or toxically masculine bull session.

The full meaning, irregardless of how funny I have always found it, has always eluded me until about five minutes ago when I looked it up.

Now I’m wondering if I’ve ever used that term in a context which was questionable enough to make people ponder if I ever knew just what in tarnation I was talking about.

Upon edumacating myself on the full meaning of the joke, I executed the ole ‘CTRL-A & Delete’ move on the original lead of this post so as not to dirty up the internet any more than it needs to be.  We are in the midst of a global pandemic after all.

Okay, let’s move on.

There comes a time in all of our lives when we need to reconsider the validity of a panic.

I say this at a time where I’m considering the inventory of toilet paper here in the house, and the steps I need to take to acquire more.

I just had a flashback about a time many years ago when Wifey and I went to her mother’s house one night to liberate a roll or two from her bathroom because we couldn’t scrounge enough money together before payday to go buy some.

Man alive, those were the days.

This morning, I got up early only because I’m at a point in my life that I naturally wake up at that time.  Instead of slathering an Everything bagel and warding off the cream cheese lovin’ advances of the dog, I visited three different stores in the area  in search for a certain paper product which could be subject to price gouging in the near future.

At each one of those locations, I encountered nothing but socialism.

Empty shelves and long lines.

Granted, I did pick up a box of donuts.

Last week, I pondered whether this thing has teeth.  It seems like others did too, because that particular post has experienced some respectable volume in readership.

For me, it started this last Monday.  That was when a member of management foolishly approached my desk in the wake of buffalo chicken pizza inspired cubicle flatulence being introduced into the confines of my 6 by 6, carpet covered box by natural digestive processes, primarily my own.

My cubicle, my gas.

“An email will be coming out shortly which outlines that all laptop users are to work from home beginning tomorrow and until further notice.”  Her eyes began to water a bit as she began to realize that approaching my cubicle at the time she did was not the best decision she would make that day.  Not being completely oblivious to that spastic twitch that developed in her nose, I turned on my desk fan in hopes of dissipating the odiferous attitude.

I worked from home for the rest of the week, and boy howdy, I’m not a fan.  As a misanTharp, I’ve always been fine with being alone.  Last week, I realized that I appreciate interaction with someone other than the dog telling me to take her for a walk.

I’m on staycation this next week.

Just to summarize, I’m on a staycation right now where I’m hanging around the house.  I’m taking time off from working at home.

Being told to work from home isn’t the only indicator which has forced me to change my mind about COVID-19 though.

Last week, I was able to buy toilet paper and there was plenty in stock.  Yesterday and today, I couldn’t.

I’ve heard that this virus is considered to be 10 times as deadly as the flu.  All of those arguments we’ve heard in recent weeks about the morality (or mortality, take your pick) rate of this virus being really low fall flat now.  Sure the rate is low.

For now….

All of the major sports leagues have closed up shop for a while and everyone’s March Madness bracket busted on arrival.

Fiesta, a San Antonio event which is held around Easter, is being moved to November.

Schools are closing their doors and extending spring breaks.

I’ve gotten emails from every place I’ve ever ordered food from for pickup or delivery talking about their efforts to combat the virus.  Restaurants are sending notes saying “Yes, we’re open, but please order food for pick up or delivery.  Don’t eat it here.”  That includes one from my web hosting service.

Travel bans are being put in place.

Political rallies have been cancelled.

The latest Star Wars movie got an earlier digital release than originally planned.  That was under the expectation that more people are staying home these days.  Aside from cleaning out my garage while on staycation from working at home, it’s a safe assumption I’ll be doing my part to validate the assumptions of those behind the early release.

The latest James Bond movie was supposed to be released this spring, and it’s been pushed back to the end of the year because of concerns about the virus.  Ironically enough, the film is titled ‘No Time To Die’.

One can only wonder what will happen with the planned releases for the next Wonder Woman and Black Widow (featuring the lovely and talented Scarlett Johansson in skin tight attire and loaded for bear or bare) films as well.  Insert some snarky remark about strong powerful women and COVID-19  right *here*.

Even if the big stadium tour that I want to see happens this summer, I’m debating whether I’ll actually try to go or not.

For now, it would seem that I need to scour the internet for toilet paper of all things. 

I may need to make another buffalo chicken pizza as well.