In light of the announcement that the State of the Union Address will be postponed until after the partial government shutdown has ended, the casual observer and anyone else who pays a modicum of attention to what’s going on can’t help but wonder what the Chief Purveyor of Paradigm Shift has in mind.
On the surface, delaying the address at the behest of the Speaker of the House is probably a good idea. Certainly Nancy Pelosi doesn’t want the President in her house belittling her brethren over the highly charged issue of border security. It only makes sense that she make the request that the address be delayed until the issue of the shutdown is resolved. At the same time, it also makes sense that the Executive Branch respects the separation of the powers and not force its way into the Legislative Branch to fulfill its Constitutional obligation. It’s only a matter of tradition that the address happen at the end of January. Here in the 21st century we seem to be all about breaking down tradition, so who cares when the address actually happens?
All things being equal, the State of the Union address is a cringeworthy sham anyway.
Once a year, members of all three branches of the government meet up for a pow-wow in the House chamber where they put on a show to the American people that the Executive is the greatest thing to happen to this country since the invention of tube tops and yoga pants. The Executive then spends an hour or two reporting on the state of the union (usually in a positive light) and laying out an agenda intermittently between applause, cheers, scoffs, and booing delivered by different members of the House and Senate.
That’s right people. It’s an annual exercise in bullshittery.
One thing you need to remember is that in the years since Donald Trump announced his candidacy, he’s been an agent of change. The American people see things completely differently today than we did in those days leading up to the summer of 2015. Facts don’t matter anymore and the unfolding of life in front of our eyes is subject to interpretations driven by how we feel about the guy who’s currently in office right now.
Enlistment into the Presidential army of sycophantic minions fails to rise to levels it did during the previous administration, so the Short-Fingered Vulgarian will need to resort to the creativity of his inner circle and that vast collection of cogs, gears, and sprockets which operate just beneath that fabulous shock of patiently stationed tresses located atop the Presidential cabeza anaranjado.
Rest assured, ladies and gentlemen, the State of the Union will go on.
It will take place on Sunday, February 3rd at approximately 7:30 pm eastern.
The address will be whittled down from 90 minutes of bloviation to 10 minutes of bullet pointed statements designed to hit their mark.
Coverage of the event will only be broadcast live on one television network.
The speech will not take place in the House chamber in front of 435 representatives, 100 senators, 9 Supreme Court justices, a gaggle of cabinet members, or a smattering of clerks, pages, and henchmen. Instead, it will take place approximately 640 miles southwest as the crow flies along the I-85 S corridor at a location addressed at 1 AMB Drive NW, Atlanta, Georgia in front of approximately 70,000 people.
That’s right people.
The State of the Union address is taking over the half-time show at Super Bowl LIII.
Name a better place for the event. Donald Trump’s appearance at an NFL event will be like Nixon going to China and Kirk going to the Klingons. Naturally you’ll remember the NFL encountered all types of problems last year with viewership. One of the driving forces behind that decline was a Presidential tweet that was less than kind to players who were kneeling for the National Anthem. There was also that business with the USFL back in the 80’s as well. Regardless, the President has never really come off as a friend of the NFL.
It’s not like the President will be the only person out there who can get cheers and boos in the same breath. Just like members of Congress, football fans love to hate, and hate to love Tom Brady just as much as they do Donald Trump. Since Brady’s career just about comes full circle this year with a trip to the Super Bowl against the same team that he beat in his first Super Bowl, the event for the most loved and most hated quarterback that hasn’t drowned a pit bull or two will prove to be a poignant one.
Beyond the polarizing personalities involved, consider the following.
When the cameras turn to the audience for reaction shots after a provocative remark, viewers at home don’t have to deal with the uncomfortable vision of some tax-fattened hyena of an elected official to follow their party line by either clapping or sitting on their hands.
Attendees of the event will exercise the option to shovel vast quantities of beer and hot dogs into their collective pie holes while they get an update on the issues of the day.
The cheerleaders for both the LA Rams and New England Patriots are collaborating to provide a visual representation of the State of the Union in tandem with the Presidential address.
Best of all will be the timing of the speech itself.
After the first half of the game is over and each team retreats to the locker room to extract their jock straps from between their cheeks, the airing of the commercials will begin. Some will be good. Some will suck. Some will virtue signal about toxic masculinity and confirmation bias.
While the commercials air, the ground crew will set up a small stage at the 50 yard line with a Presidential podium.
When the time comes, the public announcer will call attention to the field and announce the President. Fireworks and a smoke bomb will go off, and Donald Trump will appear on the stage the same way Michael Jackson did for Super Bowl XXVII.
The crowd will cheer.
The crowd will boo.
Tom Brady will feel a little relief.
The President will give his State of the Union address, and then climb onto a ladder suspended by Marine One. The Presidential copter will then carry him away as he waves to the crowd with one hand and hangs on to that ladder with the other. Mike Pence will be at the top of the ladder, ready to hand down some shark repellent if things should get a little dicey on the ascent.
Once the President is gone, the game will resume.
More importantly is that the framework around the State of the Union will have been transformed into less talk and more rock.
In the end, the best thing about it is that we won’t be subjected to a half-time show which features a crosspollination of really crappy genres of pop music.
The State of the Union is a strong one, ladies and gentlemen.
