One of the reasons I maintain gainful employment outside of the organization has to do with the fact that I can only mess with the wife and kids so much before I finalize the process of alienating them.

There are reasons which are higher on the rungs of priority, however it’s not really important to discuss those items here.

Just on a side note, I’ve typed a majority of these letters from the past using a virtual keyboard, yet still I can’t help but continue to get pissed off when Autocorrect makes like the government and tells me what I should say.

Back to the subject at hand.

Among the undocumented perks of working with people I’m not related to, other than the aesthetic properties of the occasional denim benefit, the frequent opportunity to mess with my coworkers presents itself on a regular basis.  Be it my fellow comrades or members of management, no sacred cows exist when it comes to exacting the fruits of my twisted mind on the unsuspecting constitution of others.

Lotus Notes Sametime provides a veritable wellspring of material when it comes to messing with someone.  For those of you who have been here since day 1, you know what I’ve suggested when it comes to the “Alert Me When” feature.  Long story short, that one boils down to “flatulent computer”.

That’s not the only thing I do with Sametime though:

Victim:  Hey Randy.  Do you have a minute for me to give you a call?

Me:  Sure.  Ext 1234

The kicker here is that the extension I provide is not my extension.  It usually belongs to one of my cohorts who doesn’t know better.

With one little line on an instant message utility, I’ve messed with two people by causing someone to dial the wrong number.  It’s only unfortunate that I only get to here one side of that conversation when the wrong number gets dialed.  After the call ends, another note comes across asking for the correct extension.

Keep in mind at this point ladies and gentlemen, that I end the prank right there and provide the correct extension.  It’s not like I would provide and incorrect extension again to refire the vicious circle.

*pause for evil laugh*

Email tricks can be fun as well.  The ones I use tend to be subtle enough so as to avoid a major reaction, but impactful enough for the synapses of the victim to misfire.

The most common one is when they send me a series of questions looking for answers from yours truly.  Like I have the correct answers.

Invariably so, I will reply with history, and attach my answers to the original questions.  I make a distinction between the question and the answer by changing the color of my font to blue.  Up above, I’ll actually write the reply.

Hi (insert name here),

Please see my answers down below in blue.

The key here is that I change the font color of the word “blue” to any other color than blue; usually red.

Call me a deviant.

I’ve also been known to send a series of questions, but then set the settings on the message to “prevent copy”.  This essentially keeps my victim from replying with history, or even doing a copy / paste into the reply.

Waves of schadenfreude ensconce yours truly when the butchered response comes back and I subsequently ask for additional clarification.

I try not to limit my shenanigans to an onscreen assault though.  There have been plenty of participants who were the unwitting beta-testers of the foot mouse.  That device is the one which is strategically placed not at their right hand, but at their right foot instead.  It’s wonderful exercise for their big toe to click click away through documents without having to take their hands away from the keyboard.

There’s only so long that I’ll be able to use these tricks before I’m forced to move on to other things though.  Keep in mind that it’s just my attention deficit that forces to me to move on.

Among the ideas I have in mind involve conference room lodging for parties of two in a different office than the one I’m housed in.  In my role, I’m responsible for scheduling a room for these two people to dial in on conference calls which I facilitate.  I’m thinking about reserving a full conference room which seats 24. Just to drive it home, I’ll order full catering.

May I suggest the Chicken Escondido with Rice Pilaf, today’s fresh vegetables and a dinner roll?