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Well ladies and gentlemen, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.
I think I’m getting to a point in my life where memories of my youth which once featured high definition minutia about names, places, times, emotions, and even smells are all starting to pixelate.
Whereas there was probably a time I would have harbored concern about misplacing the details of those events in the cluttered confines of the cranial cavity which is adorned by a flesh-tone duvet that sits atop that thing of mine which sometimes passes for a neck, I can’t help but to care less at this point.
The people, places, and things (nouns, I guess) of my past which were once important enough to be retained in my RAM eventually failed to resonate at the correct frequency, and have all been relegated at this point to a collection a background activity resplendent with the non-player characters of my life.
I had that sudden epiphany this morning while I was tossing back a burpless fish oil capsule this morning.
Silly me, I thought those things were only good for assisting with your good cholesterol. I didn’t know they could trigger a realization. Epiphanies are sudden by definition, however the one I got this morning was….. suddener.
For reasons unknown, my tenth grade year came to mind while I endeavored to shore up my HDL’s. In recent years, I’ve found myself pondering all of the classes I took in high school in the 80’s so as to determine which one particular class was the most impactful on my life today. I’m pretty sure I narrowed it down to my sophomore year.
Yes, these are the things that go through my head.
I remember my English teacher that year fostering discussions in class about the merits of the death penalty and abortion. Even still, I haven’t connected the dots between my efforts in that class and what I do today.
Data Processing had some potential though. I learned a couple of programing languages and skills on debugging that year. I haven’t used COBOL or BASIC since those days, however the debugging skills I picked up back then help me to look for that missing comma today in the cubicle when I extract data using SQL. At this point, I would have to say that class is a close second to the most impactful class from my high school years.
I have two very specific memories about my biology class from that year.
“Science believes that life begins…..”
Man alive. Faith just walked in here to check up on the status of her morning walk and why I’m not actively getting my ball cap, sunglasses, and leash ready to go. She’s just consumed a fish like substance that was placed on top of her kibble this morning. Most likely, she’s watching her HDL’s as well. That dog needs a breath mint or some disinfectant spray.
But, I digress.
“Science believe that life begins when the sperm joins with the egg.” Mr. Bulbous Nose (whose name I think I remember but have opted not to share here) lectured one day. Seems like he had been some sort of park ranger in his formative years. The rumor amongst the kids was that he had been caught up in a forest fire that resulted in his nose looking the way it did.
The second memory involves the same teacher discussing the mating habits of frogs. According to the aforementioned pixelated details of my fish oil fortified mind, there’s something going on behind the front legs of the female frog. The male frog approaches the female from behind and jabs those areas so as to kickstart some reproductive process in the female.
As Mr. Bulbous Nose was describing this process to the class while walking around the class room, he snuck up behind one of the foxier young ladies in class who wasn’t completely paying attention to the lecture. As he described the instinctual actions of the boy frog, he extended his two index fingers and gigged the attractive, yet inattentive young lady just below the armpits on either side. Naturally, she jumped and screamed, the class laughed, and indelible moment number two became properly ensconced in the mind of yours truly as my biology teacher initiated froggy style with a student in front of the whole class.
Needless to say, there wasn’t a whole lot I learned in that class that I carried into my work today.
By now, you’re wondering what that class was.
More importantly, you’re wondering how Mr. Bulbous Nose got away with the two crimes I outlined in the two memories I have of biology that year. The easiest explanation is that since the time that incident took place in 1984, humanity has physically evolved.
The most evident proof of that evolution is that our skin used to be a lot thicker than it is today.
For what it’s worth, Typing was the 10th grade class I took where I developed skills I still apply today.
