Have I ever mentioned that my pit bull Hope is an attention whore?
Of course I have.
For those of you who don’t know this little tidbit, allow me to provide some background. For those of you who do know, I need you to bear with me. I have to paint sketch the background in order to make the joke work.
Hope is an attention whore.
I would expect a lot of that behavior is born from whatever went on in her year of life before we took her in. I would also expect that it also explains her aggression towards other dogs, specifically Faith the 9 3/4 toed Lab-Jack Terrorist.
Quite often, Hope will approach any one of us and nudge our hand demanding to be scratched. Once she knows she has you locked in for a few minutes, she’ll orient herself so that you’re scratching her butt.
Yeah, I don’t take a whole lot of pride in admitting right here and now that Hope isn’t the first one around here to use that ploy.
*pause for effect (or affect, take your pick)*
Getting my…. Uuummm her butt scratched isn’t the only thing Hope does though. One of her other traits is to climb up on the couch or bed where you’ve properly planted your tuckus and get right up in your face. This is so she can claim the entire focus of your attention. Sometimes if she feels that blocking your line of sight to the tube isn’t quite getting the level of attention she desires, she’ll belch.
The faint sound of the borborygmus followed up by a point blank blast of what smells like the remnants of this morning’s Iam’s (Weight Control in the blue bag), peanut butter from the Kong Ball, and something that used to reside on the ground in the backyard all blown into your face is more than enough to take your attention from whatever the hell it is you’re watching on TV (probably Titanic) and refocus it on the source of the foul stench and it’s desire to be scratched behind the ear with hopes for a move to the butt.
It’s times like this where we should all be grateful that no matter how well, or poorly, an odor is described, it can’t be fully reproduced.
The other morning, Hope jumped up on the couch next to Wifey and began nudging for attention. Wifey provided it with her acrylic nails which sent the poor dog into an orgasmic tizzy. As the scratching continued, Hope got closer and closer to the source of her nirvana. Once she got closer, Wifey stopped. Hope disagreed with this approach and nudged even closer. Deep down, she was building a belch.
As she moved in, Wifey pushed her away.
Now the thing about our beloved pit bull is that her butt is pretty much like a beanbag. She’s also very docile, and tends to roll with the punches as long as she knows you’re playing. Given her physique and her demeanor, she allowed Wifey to push her away. In the process, she rolled with the push and landed on her side up against the armrest at the other end of the couch.
And she stayed there.
She didn’t try to get up to go back for more attention, or leave the couch dejected.
She just laid there on her side sporting that look of indifference in her face coupled with a spread eagle pose designed to show off her pit bull nipples.
Never at a loss for a good wise crack, Juniorette chimed in.
“Draw me like one of your French girls Jack.”
Ladies and gentlemen I’m no fan of the movie Titanic, and I try to avoid it whenever it appears on the basic cable package. As much as it saddens me that I even recognized that line as being the one which served as a precursor see a nekid lady in that chick-flick (but not on the basic cable package), I’ve got to admit something right here and now. Juniorette’s line would have meant absolutely nothing to me if I had completely avoided that abomination in the past.
I now have a whole new appreciation for that flick now.
