Alternate title: Tooth, Toilet, & Beyond
Ladies and gentlemen, the collection of letters, spaces, and questionable punctuation which lies ahead possesses a goal of sucking the next few minutes of your precious life from the pursuit of more productive endeavors, and is dedicated to broken white stuff.
Granted, here in the middle of a pandemic where racial tensions seem to be exacerbated by white guilt and pernicious woke-scoldery, the timing seems to be spot-on that I address the subject at hand.
The other night, I engaged in two behaviors that I had altogether stopped doing in recent years.
I stayed up past my bedtime to watch something on television. For what it’s worth, the bulk of my television watching has been relegated to whatever shows up on a streaming service. I’ve gotten to where I can’t stand what’s being broadcast on traditional TV. The one exception is when I want to practice my drumming on my trash can, and an Astros game is on.
The other behavior ensued when I found myself yelling at the TV. I haven’t done that since the days of when I used to watch football.
Gone are the days.
Irregardlessly (I really need to update my custom dictionary to remove the red squiggly line from that word), I stayed up late the other night to watch Joe Biden deliver his acceptance speech for the Democratic nomination for the Presidency.
For what it’s worth, I haven’t really dedicated a whole lot of web space to the DNC’s suggested cure-all for those afflicted with Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS). What can I say about this addled cadaver-in-waiting that hasn’t been said before?
Save your butt-hurt outrage over that name calling. In reality, all of us are cadavers in waiting, and a certain percentage of us will be addled.
The primary reason I watched was to determine if a) the speech was pre-recorded, and 2) if the candidate’s cognitive decline would rear its ugly head.
A), it wasn’t, and 2) it didn’t. Given that the speech was short and just a repeat of everything we’ve heard from him so far, I wasn’t too surprised.
The yelling on my part started at the end of the speech when Biden had the audacity to repeat the debunked “Fine People” hoax. It’s bad enough that he kicked off his campaign in the true spirit of a lying, dog-faced pony soldier by even daring to invoke such a manufactured narrative.
The righteous indignation came when Biden uttered the same material from the south end of a north facing bull to cap off what has been touted as the most important political speech he will ever give.
Thus the yelling.
So Biden is either lying about the hoax he continues to perpetuate, or he’s sadly ill-informed. Which one is it?
For that matter, which of those characteristics resonates with you more for this candidate?
Put very simply, anyone voting for Joe Biden to return decency to the Oval Office needs to understand that their candidate of choice has either knowingly or ignorantly re-executed a 3 year old divisive, bold-faced lie to make his point.
Now let’s move on to the other broken white stuff I actually want to discuss today.
At the end of July, I broke a tooth. I was eating my own version of a fried chicken sandwich which had been lovingly accented with buffalo sauce, jalapeno ranch, and pepper jack cheese.
As I finished the sandwich, a piece of my lower right molar extricated itself from any additional mastication. It had obviously hit the pinnacle of its career and opted to end on a high note. I called the dentist for an appointment. The first available slot was 20 days away.
Fine.
The tooth wasn’t hurting, so I would live. The irony is that the fine people at the front desk charged me for an emergency visit……
Twenty days after the “emergency” took place.
Big picture, the only treatment is to grind it down and put a crown on the resulting nub and a certain quantity of my disposable income in the hands of the dentist.
A few days after the emergency dental appointment, I found myself continuing my education in the plumbing arts. The tank bolts on the throne in my social media chamber have been leaking recently and needed replacement.
The nuts holding the bolts in place were rusted on there and I had resorted to using a hacksaw to cut them off.
Do I really need to tell you what happened, given that I’m talking about broken white stuff today?
Of course not.
As such, I’ll also be transferring a certain amount of disposable income to the fine people at my favorite home improvement store to replace the whole darn thing.
I’ve got to wonder if the man who wants to return decency to the Oval Office has ever done his own plumbing or dental work.
Of course that would either answer some questions or raise some more.
