Well ladies and gentlemen, it’s 7 am on the fourth Friday of November here in the year of 2018 and you generally know what that means.
Yesterday was Thanksgiving where friends and family alike gathered to commit ritualistic acts of gobbletude on some poor, high protein, low fat bastard whose only MacGuffin was to achieve free range status.
Today, of course, is Black Friday and I’ll give you a quick status update on what I’m doing today:
- As I do every year, I’ve opted out of camping out in front of the big box store in pursuit of a really good deal on a TV. Fortunately, I don’t need one, however I’d like to think that when the time comes that I do, I’ll orchestrate the aforementioned need to avoid the strategically calculated merchandising stunts designed around liberating my disposable income somewhere between the fourth Friday of November and December 25th.
- The NFL put on some games yesterday and I don’t know who won them. I can only tell you who played in one of those games because the game was on as I executed almond-avoidance strategies around a serving of otherwise tasty green beans at a table that wasn’t mine. I don’t care who won those games either. I’ve yet to re-establish my emotional investment in the goings-on in the land of professional football. This is probably a pretty good indicator for me that I’m not codependent.
Instead of taking part in the traditional activities today normally brings, I’ve opted to come to what I can only surmise to be a pretty dull internet with some material designed to make you pretty darned uncomfortable.
For what it’s worth, I’ve already taken this morning’s dosage of whatever the doctor gave me last week to extricate the sinus infection from my skull. As such, space is being freed up for the verbal brilliance to return and flow with fewer obstructions than the snot did.
At the same time, I’ve been compelled to check my blood pressure twice a day for the next month in order to determine if something needs to be done about it. All things being equal that was my fault. Last week when I darkened the door of exam room #5 (the one in the back, out of view and earshot from the other guests), my pressure was deemed at the time to be hyperbolic. Had I connected the dots just 90 minutes earlier that morning that consumption of biscuits & gravy with a coffee flavored energy drink chaser would raise an eyebrow or two on the other end of the sphygmomanometer, I would have selected alternate substances to masticate where my Friday morning breakfast needs were concerned.
“You’ve lost some weight since you were last here.” The doctor announced.
“Yes, I have.” I responded. “However in all fairness, the last time I was here I knew you would be shoving your finger up my butt. I had done some heavy stress eating in the lead up to that event.”
Okay, now that I’ve painted the background picture and insinuated a certain level of discomfort, let’s get on to what I’m really here to discuss this morning.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. There comes a time in all of our lives when we need to acknowledge that the controls we have in our lives are sufficient enough to take care of the bulk of the issues we endeavor to solve. At the same time, we also need to realize that solving issues to the point of stupid-proof is near impossible.
We have laws against murder, but murder still happens.
We have laws against burglary, but burglary still happens.
We have laws against fraud, but fraud still happens.
We have laws against rape, but rape still happens.
We have laws against unwanted telephone solicitation, but your presence on the Do Not Call registry gets ignored.
Do you see where I’m going here? Every law, regulation, and other measure we have to prevent bad behavior doesn’t have a 100% success rate at stopping the behavior in question. Furthermore, I would suggest that the laws, regulations, and other measures we have to prevent the bad behavior is working as designed at a certain rate of success which can’t accurately be calculated. The problem is that the residual bad behavior that eludes the constraints of the laws, regulations, and other measures represents that bit of the iceberg that we can actually see. At the same time, passionate advocates against a selected behavior fail to see the size of the chunk of ice below the surface that has been inhibited by the established controls.
Take gun control for instance.
How many gun crimes or mass shootings have been stopped by the gun laws we have on the books right now?
No one knows.
What about drunk driving?
How may drunk driving deaths were averted this year by the drunk driving laws we have on the books right now?
No one knows.
Consider health insurance.
How many deaths have been forestalled because of the laws we’ve written around our ability to pay for healthcare?
No one knows.
Don’t forget sea faring luxury liners traversing the north Atlantic.
How big was the part of the iceberg the Titanic hit that was below the surface?
No one knows.
Ladies and gentlemen when the time comes that I’m scrolling through my feed on Facebook and I see these posts, I usually sprain a thumb trying to scroll past them in favor of locating videos of cats doing things which are considered cute. When we’re at a point where I’m looking for cat videos on social networking, society has just about hit the full mark on the retardometer. Just sayin’.
I’ve yet to see one of these posts which discuss the issue in its full context. Case in point, here’s one that littered my feed earlier this month. It was posted by someone I went to school with years ago.
“This is disgraceful. I don’t understand why we haven’t dumped the NRA and come together for sensible gun control. The second amendment says we all have the right to bear arms. We have drawn the line at automatic weapons and bazookas and there is no reason we shouldn’t limit high capacity magazines, bump stocks and set a high bar for background checks and required training.”
Good Lord in Butter people. If I had a nickel…..
What I would really like to know is why we don’t see posts like this for the other ills of society here in the 21st century.
In fact, let’s try a couple right here and now in order to close out today’s dispatch.
“This is disgraceful. I don’t understand why we haven’t dumped Big Tobacco and come together for sensible cigarette control. We have drawn a line on the age of when someone can legally buy them, and health insurance rates are more expensive for smokers. There is no reason we shouldn’t limit the availability of tobacco products and set a high bar for not introducing all of that first and second hand carcinogenic poison into our lungs.”
“This is disgraceful. I don’t understand why we haven’t dumped Big Booze and come together on sensible drunk driving control. The 21st Amendment gave us the right to drink alcohol by repealing the 18th Amendment. We have drawn a line at a national drinking age and a standard for which one is considered to be legally drunk. There is no reason we shouldn’t limit the consumption of high proof alcoholic beverages and set a high bar for staying sober.”
“This is disgraceful. I don’t understand why we haven’t dumped the ACLU and come together on sensible homelessness control. The courts have told us that we can’t institutionalize the mentally ill against their will. There is no reason we shouldn’t limit the homeless population in our cities and set a high bar for expanding conservatorship and involuntary institutionalizations.”
“This is disgraceful. I don’t understand why we haven’t dumped Planned Parenthood and come together for sensible abortion control. The Supreme Court told us in Roe v. Wade that we all have right to abortion based on privacy issues. We haven’t really drawn any lines and now abortion-on-demand is the law of the land. There is no reason we shouldn’t set a high bar for limiting unwanted pregnancies by banning websites which facilitate one night stands. We should dissuade promiscuity and institute more programs that advocate for abstinence and monogamy.”
Most of the above listed situations could be reduced by the elimination of the all mighty dollar. The last situation can be eliminated by all words deeply read and studied following the phrase “In the beginning there was the Word……..”